"It" will Carry Me Through the Night

I feel its presence behind me, impatient, its breath hot on my neck.  Even though, I was expecting IT, I still feel panic churning inside and want desperately to run.  I try to drive IT away with beautiful thoughts and for a moment, I remain strong until IT SMASHES Through The Light, 

Unwilling To Share.

 I always know that at night, IT will come and find me vulnerable and utterly afraid. I have been fighting  IT all day but now at night, I am simply exhausted. I make one last attempt to FRANTICALLY dig deep inside but soon realize that there is nothing left. THE PAIN, however,  is  wide awake and Remains Relentless until it has my full attention.

 I plead for any shade of mercy...

PLEASE, NOT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! 

However, IT only stares with an UNWAVERING FACE and I sadly accept that there will be no reprieve.  Time slows down, the night will once again be long and IT doesn't care how many of my tears silently fall. 

NO DISTRACTIIONS or medications can take IT away- In my mind, I play over and OVER again my list of REASONS to carry on.
It is only 4 AM when the anger finally bubbles outside...

 "I HATE YOU," I scream summoning all my strength,
 but no one hears....because

 the PAIN has Swallowed Every Word.


YET, I'm proud that I said it
and that IT knows how I feel.
 Because for that brief moment,
I could hear the whisper of my voice and it will carry me through the night.