Thursday, October 30, 2014

My Unwelcome Companion

"IT" taps me on the shoulder unexpectedly and I turn away muttering "Not now, I'm busy . I concentrate on my task at hand but the next tap is more insistent and I feel myself start to lose my temper.
"I have plans, I have no time for you right now!" I say with true venom in my voice.
"IT" stares me down and it is impossible for me to look away or ignore its presence.
I try again more pleading this time," It really isn't a good time, I thought I might spend some time with my children. I was going to go with them and...
"IT" grabs me by the shoulder so hard that I gasp startled by its ferocity.  I try to walk away but there is no reasoning with it. The PAIN WRAPS itself like a sleek snake up my spine moving recklessly until it is all consuming!
Sorry," I whisper to my little girl, "Mommy can't help you today with your make-up and costume but please come and show me before you leave." Tonight is the Halloween Dance at school and I was looking forward to helping in the preparations.
Her eyes fall for a moment but she masks her feelings well, "That's okay Mom. You go lay down, I understand." Malia then shares a quick story of her day at school but already the pain makes the words float away so I can't hear them.
It is only fitting I guess that this monster pain decides that Halloween is a good night for a visit. If only I could slam the door in its face, scream for it to go away forever. But this is no trick or treater and despite it being unwelcome, it is my companion for the night.
"I HATE YOU!!  just so it's clear" I say as my hot tears soak my pillow.
"I know", "IT" answers purring like a contented cat but STILL, I chose to stay.




Walking Again!

As someone who lives with chronic pain, I am willing to try any treatment that might help give me a more productive life. Everyone is different and their reaction to a certain treatment is unique and so it is important to note that I am not suggesting any particular treatment to my readers but simply sharing my story.


This month has been particularly difficult, I am in the process of getting weekly spinal injections, 3 freezing needles and than three injections into my L4-L5, S1 disks. My pain threshold used to be extremely high, in fact, I felt rather smug at times knowing how much pain I could handle. These spinal injections aren't new to me, I have been trying them out every three months to see if they offered me any relief to my lower back. Because I have extreme pain throughout my spine and neck, it is difficult to access at times and I often wonder if it is worth it. However, lower back pain is often referred down your legs as well...and I will take any relief I can get. So now, they are accessing the possibility of nerve obliation- burning part of the nerve ends that will help allieviate some of my pain.


Finally, the six weeks of excruciatingly painful shots have led my medical team to suggest that I am indeed a candidate to have my nerve burned at L4, L5 and S1. My doctor congratulates me and I feel conflicted as I know the procedure that lays ahead will also be a grueling one...however, if the result is positive, it could help me walk without as much pain.
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Well, it is three months later and I have had the nerve obliation done on both sides of my spine. It is a process that involves 15 needles and a wire carefully inserted to establish what muscles will be affected by the nerve burn. It was incredibly intense but my first physician Dr. Davies was so compassionate and talked to me the entire procedure so I knew what was happening. The nursing team was also wonderful and truthfully, that is the only thing that was able to get me through the 50 minute procedure. Once the freezing wore off, the site was understandably extremely painful for a couple of weeks but I have noticed a difference in the pain that ran down my leg, it has considerably lessened. A different doctor unfortunately did the same procedure on the other side, since I have nothing good to say about him, I won't say anything at all. However, the result is also promising so a reduction in pain for both legs. I wish they could do this procedure in my upper spine and neck but at least, it is something and I am grateful. One other important benefit of having this procedure done is that they now cover six physio visits to explore the full benefits of having the nerve obliation.


For anyone suffering from leg pain referred from their spine, it is something to definitely check out as you may also find relief from this procedure. Walking was one of my favourite activities, especially in scenic Panorama so I have every finger crossed that I will be able to enjoy this activity again. It will be difficult to start slow but an important part of building up strength again.


Well, I have to go....I have two dogs that would like to go for a walk, it has been a long time coming!!