"It" will Carry Me Through the Night

I feel its presence behind me, impatient, its breath hot on my neck.  Even though, I was expecting IT, I still feel panic churning inside and want desperately to run.  I try to drive IT away with beautiful thoughts and for a moment, I remain strong until IT SMASHES Through The Light, 

Unwilling To Share.

 I always know that at night, IT will come and find me vulnerable and utterly afraid. I have been fighting  IT all day but now at night, I am simply exhausted. I make one last attempt to FRANTICALLY dig deep inside but soon realize that there is nothing left. THE PAIN, however,  is  wide awake and Remains Relentless until it has my full attention.

 I plead for any shade of mercy...

PLEASE, NOT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! 

However, IT only stares with an UNWAVERING FACE and I sadly accept that there will be no reprieve.  Time slows down, the night will once again be long and IT doesn't care how many of my tears silently fall. 

NO DISTRACTIIONS or medications can take IT away- In my mind, I play over and OVER again my list of REASONS to carry on.
It is only 4 AM when the anger finally bubbles outside...

 "I HATE YOU," I scream summoning all my strength,
 but no one hears....because

 the PAIN has Swallowed Every Word.


YET, I'm proud that I said it
and that IT knows how I feel.
 Because for that brief moment,
I could hear the whisper of my voice and it will carry me through the night.

Coming out of the Shadows Despite the Pain

There are so many types of pain that impact our life and physical pain will most often link itself to both mental and emotional pain and vice versa. Physical pain itself presents itself in such a broad spectrum that it is almost impossible to truly convey to another person what they feel inside. Everyone's pain threshold is different and the way that a particular individual will handle that pain is also different. The one thing that I can say FOR SURE is that I have no right to judge someone else's pain as I want that same consideration in return.

 I am only able to share my story and hopefully, it will give insight to what it feels like to be in pain EVERY single day. It startles me to think that I have felt chronic pain for over thirteen years now and although it has become more severe these past couple of years, I have to remain in the moment and take that day as it comes. I would be lying if I didn't say that there are days that I am filled with despair at the thought of my life in the future but I must be guard myself against visiting that place because frankly, I may not return.

And despite doctors opinions that there is nothing that can be done and saying pain will be part of my life until the day I die, I honestly can't allow myself to think that way or I wouldn't be able to WANT tomorrow. I intend to stay hopeful as I feel that no one has the right to deny someone hope for a condition that feels like it cannot be survived for another minute, the pain is so fierce.

 "HOPE," a four letter word just like "PAIN", but infinitely more important!

 By sharing my " Chronic Pain," story, I feel empowered to give a voice to people who suffer with chronic pain as we often stay more in the shadows, housebound by our physical condition. However, I tightly grasp every precious moment and find that shifting my perspective on my condition,  I can "Live" life well despite the pain.